I’ve had a lot of time since my husband Chuck passed away to think about how I ended up in this place. I really wanted to be able to wend my way in this new world that I was thrust into although, initially, I felt alone,vulnerable and uncertain of the path ahead.
It was in the mornings, before the start of my day, that I would sit and talk to God, meditate, and just be silent. Often I reflected on my whole life, I would think about the choices I had made, my successes and my failures, and the paths I’d chosen that had led me on the path to becoming to a widow. I do believe that we play a great part in everything that happens in our lives. We are the stars of own stories. If our lives were a chapter book we could go back and see how from the very first chapter there have been a succession of events that lead up to the the current chapter entitled My Life Now. This is how I view my life and it has helped me to make sense of everything.
I believe that my husband and I were on a journey together, but we still had our individual purposes and roads to follow, our own destinies. True, we were together ’til death do us part but when Chuck died that was the end of his story, the last chapter. I, on the other hand, was still on course.
Oftentimes, one of the initial responses when a spouse dies is anger. I became angry for a while but eventually as I began to recover from the loss I realized that my anger was falling on deaf ears. Could Chuck do anything about my anger; could God? I could choose to remain angry and sad or begin to create a new life for myself.
I soon realized that my husband would not want me to waste the rest of my life being angry or feeling sad. I imagined that he was sorry he had to “leave me” but it was his time. He would want me to go on and live a full and happy life as I moved toward the fulfillment of my own destiny.
It was almost a year and a half after Chuck’s death that I became inspired to write Brave as I sat on the beach in East Hampton, Long Island, hoping it would become a template for the grieving. A dear friend suggested to me that this book should be read even before the inevitability and unpredictability of life unfolds. I agree, it’s a book for all as we all will one day experience some loss in our lives.
The road I’ve traveled has led me here. Turning lemons into lemonade with a splash of vodka. I now firmly believe I am fulfilling my destiny.
