Many, many years ago I dated a guy who did not celebrate American holidays. It was just not his thing. He would celebrate birthdays because he didn’t see that custom attached to some cultural dogma imposed on others by Western Culture. Thus, when a holiday rolled around, that was always the elephant in the room. Needless to say me, this Christmas Baby, was always silently disappointed that he would not celebrate with me, and let’s not even talk about Valentine’s Day. But I continued to celebrate my favorite time of the year on my own terms. My friends thought he was not really my type, but he did have other attributes that spoke to me. In the end I had to travel my own path to enlightenment and in the process I learned that I shouldn’t have to compromise my own beliefs and values to be in a relationship. That lesson would become a part of who I was and who I was becoming, as I realized that each new experience that gave me an aha moment was like being born again (as long as I remembered to incorporate my new lessons learned into the ever-changing landscape of my life).

This past decade+has truly brought many changes, all which a decade before would have been unforeseen. However, I’ve learned to look at my life as a series of pivotal events occurring every few years, all transitioning my life in ways that have ended up taking me to the next level of my experience. As I look back, each new level has brought enlightenment but also growth, sometimes giving me challenges to overcome and to learn from.

At the end of each of these, what I refer to as, “learning clusters”, I’ve had the realization that once I learned my lesson, I would move on to the next experience that would ultimately enrich my life and give me the clarity that I needed, as I continued to ascend upward.

Each of these “cluster experiences” contribute to my being re-born. The death of my husband, as well as my father 4 years before, were probably the worst and most difficult of these life events, and because of each loss, I was forced to decide whether to stand frozen in time or to live again. Fortunately for me, I chose life and spent the next decade crawling out of an abysmal pit into the light of my new beginning. In retrospect. I took the time to learn what I was being taught along the way, so I wouldn’t wallow in my grief or remain stuck somewhere in time having to repeat lessons which I know would have become tougher as time went on. I learned to live consciously so as not to end up on a merry-go-round going round and round, almost catching the ring, missing it and then repeating the ride until I could securely grasp the ring and move on.

We are always being given an opportunity to be born again and again, but sometimes our rebirth can never materialize because we aren’t willing to make the necessary changes needed in order for new opportunities to manifest themselves. I call this standing in your on way.

We must attempt to try to take those next steps that will help us to change our lives in ways that make us accountable to ourselves, wiser, happier and put us on the road that our destiny requires us to be on. Sometimes we must discard old habits, ways of thinking, ways of doing and we must really ask ourselves if doing things in the same way and reaping the same results is benefiting us. It’s good to remember that it’s not how the world is treating you but more how you’re navigating yourself in it. Discarding “old think” and old ways of doing things, as well as people who aren’t serving you well, can be painful in the short run. However, in the long run you will be able to live an authentic life knowing that you’re discarding blockages to your happiness as you embrace new opportunities.

The pandemic gave me and millions of others an opportunity to pause and examine our lives. It’s not often that we are able to pay attention to the day to day, because we are so caught up in who we are, what we do, and what should happen next. During that time we were unexpectedly handed an opportunity to re-examine our goals, lifestyles, the habits we have cultivated, our intentions, old grudges  as we attempted to figure out what was important and what was not. That was the silver lining of the pandemic, if there was one to be found. We had been  forced to unpack our “stuff”. We can now reprioritize and begin to live lives that are enriching, thoughtful, more selfless and authentic. Trappings discarded, guard gates down, being less fixed and more open…our true selves revealed. The time lost during that period was not lost really, rather it was time found that, in the long run, if used wisely, will  make our time left here richer and more valuable.

As for that relationship I once had, once I had my epiphany that revealed that I was disregarding my own desires as well as what was important to me by remaining in a relationship with a person whose values didn’t match mine, I left it. With that one decision, blockages were removed and in due time, I would go on to meet my future husband Chuck and eventually we would walk off together into our shared destiny, with mutual interests, and abiding love…both reborn.

To find out more about how you can heal after loss read my book, Brave in a New World: A Guide to Grieving the Loss of a Spouse available on Amazon https://tinyurl.com/y38oks99